Ewan's Corner

(via a colleague, circa 1996, original source unknown)

“I’ve worked out what I want to be.

I want to be a code hitman.

I want to contract myself out to the highest bidder and get paid large sums of money to put hits on code. So basically, I get contacted through a secure channel and made aware of what contracts are on the table, then I decide which contract I’m interested in and I let the contractor know that I’m in. I get paid half up front and half when the job is done. I only use my own equipment, my own compiler and my own component libraries and I only handle the specific problem that I’m being paid for, no favours. I go in, I take ownership of the code, I locate the target, and I debug it, or even rewrite it if required. Once the job is done I leave, no questions asked and the other 50% is transferred to an offshore account specified by me. At no point do I get asked for documentation or a helpfile and I’m known in the industry only as “The Meerkat”.”